Rebel without a clue #2

Melbourne Rebels CEO Ross Oakley has today announced a radical experiment to try to keep problem-child fly half Danny Cipriani in line.

Warned and fined in February over his conduct after he was caught nicking a bottle of vodka at a nightclub, Cipriani was then dropped for breaching team protocol by going out on the town following last month's defeat to the Waratahs. He was then also omitted from the squad for the forthcoming two-game trip to South Africa after it emerged that he missed training following another late night out.

After yesterday's announcement that the Rebels' players and management had "lost confidence" in the former England stand off, it was thought that Cipriani faced the sack. It appears, however, that the Rebels have decided on an alternative course of action.

THE ENFORCER

"We are delighted to announce that former England fullback Josh "The Enforcer" Lewsey has agreed to join our playing staff," announced Oakley. "Josh will provide cover in our backline, but his primary responsibility will be to give Cipriani a slap every time the kid steps out of line."

Lewsey, who recently came out of retirement to help his old club Wasps, famously knocked Cipriani out cold following a training ground bust-up in October 2008.

He is said to be "relishing" his new role.

Blimey

I was sorry to read that ex-England fullback Josh Lewsey failed in his bid to climb Mount Everest, something he was attempting to raise funds for the Help for Heroes charity.

Lewsey was apparently only 500 feet from the peak when his breathing equipment failed and so had to get back down the mountain sharpish before his oxygen supply ran out.

"The most terrifying thing was seeing the dead bodies," said Lewsey. "I saw one Japanese climber who had died two days before. All you want to do is sit down and sleep because your oxygen levels are so low - but that's how they all ended up dying."

Blimey. And to think I get out of breath walking back up the hill from the village with my newspaper on a Sunday morning.