Bonkers

South African head coach Peter de Villiers deserves a medal after 4 years in charge of the Springboks.

So says South African head coach, Peter de Villiers!

"And a big one too," he adds.

He is also "90 per cent sure" that South Africa will win the Rugby World Cup, is confident that the moon is made of cheese and insists that the IRB is actually under the control of shape-shifting alien reptiles who require periodic ingestion of human blood to maintain their human appearance.

Only the latter claim has any credence.

Sad news

My thoughts are with Bok legend Joost van der Westhuizen who has sadly been given between two and five years to live, after having his motor neuron disease diagnosis confirmed by doctors this week - devastating news for the 40-year-old former Springbok scrum half and his family...

Congrats...

...to the Aussies.

In comprehensively beating the South African 3rd XV this weekend, not only did they manage to put behind them last week's hiccup against Samoa and get their Tri-Nations campaign off to a great start (does anyone care?), more significantly they also managed to reclaim the Raeburn Shield.

Next challenge: 6th August vs New Zealand.

Dangerous business

It's a dangerous business being a rugby fan.

An All Blacks supporter is apparently suing a South African security firm in the Port Elizabeth High Court after one of its guards mistook him for a robber and shot him!

In August 2009 a G4S security guard was collecting cash from a Spar store in Port Elizabeth when he spotted a man approaching, dressed all in black with his face covered in black paint. Thinking the man looked like a robber, the guard opened fire.

Although he was not injured, Walter Arendse is suing G4S for approximately £15,000, claiming the shooting left him with post-traumatic stress disorder and depression, not to mention a bullet hole in his leather jacket and a shattered mobile phone.

Somewhat incredibly, G4S deny liability !

The case continues...

The beginning of the end?

I note with interest the fact that on the all new singing & dancing South African World Cup shirt (for technical blurb please see comments on the Scotland version below) the Springbok symbol has disappeared from the front.

Admittedly the Springbok does still make an unobtrusive, almost apologetic appearance on the sleeve of the shirt and it may be that the explanation is nothing more sinister than something having to make way for the RWC logo on the front.

However, while I acknowledge that I am possibly one of the least qualified individuals to be blogging about South African politics, I do wonder whether the Springbok will ever make it back to front of shirt prominence?

Perspective

Crikey. The issue of rugby players' off-field behaviour is, it seems, a little bit more extreme in South Africa where 34 year old ex-Blue Bulls flanker, Joseph Ntshongwana, appeared in court in Durban this week charged with three counts of murder, one of attempted murder and one of assault with intent to do grievous bodily harm.

According to reports the former Blue Bull embarked on a two-week killing spree, hacking three men to death with an axe (one victim allegedly being completely decapitated) and trying to kill a fourth.

The case follows that of another former Blue Bull, prop Bees Roux, who was charged last August with beating police officer Ntshimane Mogale to death after having been pulled over on suspicion of drink driving.

All of which, I guess, puts Mr Foden's little spat with a taxi driver into some sort of perspective...

Shorts

A round-up of the weekend's international action in 4 headlines:

1. Mighty Fiji held to draw by Wales (more here);

2. Another new dawn as Scotland win in the rain;

3. England discover Samoa can tackle (who'd have thought?)

4. Ireland force All Blacks to engage 2nd gear (occasionally).

Dizzy

Having been confined to quarters for a few days with an inner ear infection and extreme vertigo (possibly one of the most unpleasant conditions I've ever had to endure), I found myself prostrate on my sofa yesterday taking in the first round of this autumn's internationals. Brief conclusions:

1. The Welsh had nothing to offer but their scrummage. The Australians had everything to offer but their scrummage. What on earth happened to the Australian scrummaging renaissance?
2. Ireland simply weren't in the game until Peter de Villiers made yet another round of prematurely rash substitutions. Will that clown ever learn?
3. If England are unable to execute simple overlaps they will never beat anyone of note.

I told you I'd be brief. Time for another lie down...

On a mission from God?

Jake White & Eddie Jones

Following the Springboks' disastrous 2010 Tri-Nations campaign it appears that Jake & Elwood (White & Jones) are ready to put the band back together at short notice in an effort to salvage the 2011 World Cup campaign.

It's clear that the Springboks have problems which can't all be explained away by the new law interpretations. The last time I checked it wasn't illegal to tackle for instance. It appears, however, that the collective will of the players is no longer sufficient to hide the shortcomings of their head coach.

So what's to be done? Apparently Jake and his band are ready to start next week if required, but I'd advise the SARU against a knee-jerk reaction. P de V is a great bloke, top coach and is in no way insane. Do us all a favour and keep him in place - at least for the next 12 months.

Stuff & Nonsense

PREMIER RUGBY STATEMENT:


Premier Rugby have decided to make a formal complaint to the IRB alleging a breach of international regulations by the South African Rugby Union (SARU) through their actions and statements this week.

These actions and statements have been repeatedly directed against Bath Rugby and Premier Rugby following our petty and vindictive decision to compel Bath Rugby to refuse permission to their player, Butch James, to take part in today's Wales v South Africa international, despite the fact that Bath's season finished over two weeks ago.

Premier Rugby and Bath Rugby have acted in accordance with the IRB's regulations. Rules is rules. The match is an extra one-off match outside the agreed international window and has been arranged primarily as a money-making exercise for which SARU is apparently receiving a large fee. We, on the other hand, have not been offered a farthing.

When arranging a match outside the international window, all Unions should be aware of their regulations concerning player release and need to realise that we will only give permission for players contracted to clubs affiliated to Premier Rugby to take part in such fixtures in exchange for a whopping big fee (we mean really, really enormous). The RFU, the Barbarians and other rugby organisations appear to understand this. This week it became clear that SARU obviously do not.

Here endeth the lesson.

Cart before the Horse

The news from the IRB that that England will undertake a proper 3-Test tour to South Africa in 2012 is good news.

Or it it?

Old fashioned longer tours are all very well - and I'm sure will be a fantastic experience for players and fans alike. But consider the following schedule: 2011 - Rugby World Cup; 2012 - full England Tour to South Africa; 2013 - Lions Tour.

At what point, I wonder, will leading English players (and I realise that I'm making one or two massive assumptions here) actually have a close season? I predict a renewal of club v country hostilities in England and a continuation of severely weakened teams being taken on tour.

While I applaud the principle of encouraging longer tours, it appears that the IRB have ducked the central issue here - i.e. sorting out a co-ordinated global season to ensure that leading players are fit and available for international matches.

It's not just England that will face problems. The Springboks are also due to host 3-Test tours against France and Ireland in subsequent years.

Perhaps now, then, might be good time to actually put the horse before the cart?

D.I.S.R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

It's heartwarming to see that it's not just the Kiwis that get hot under the collar about their traditions being "disrespected" - now the Saffas are at it.

The SARU are up in arms about the fact that South Africa's national anthem, Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika, was murdered by Durban-born reggae singer Ras Dumisani prior to Friday's defeat to France in Toulouse.

"I must convey that we are annoyed by the fact that the French disrespected our anthem," blathered Bok coach Peter de Villiers after the game, conveniently ignoring the fact that Mr Dumisani is South African and neatly sidestepping the fact that his forwards had just been beasted by the French pack.

Since then the words "shocked and horrified" have been used by the SARU to describe Mr Dumisani's efforts and a letter of complaint has been written to the FFR (although why it would be their responsibility is beyond me). Even the Young Communist League of South Africa (in a most blatent example of bandwgon jumping) labelled Dumisani as a "disgrace to our country".

"Hilarious" might be a more appropriate word ...

Are we there yet?

Is it really over?

Has "the 3 teams playing amongst themselves for an eternity" tournament finally finished?

I confess I've seen very little of this year's Tri Nations but that in no way prevents me from having an opinion i.e.

- South Africa: well done on becoming 3N champions. You found the Lions far more of a handful than Australia and New Zealand and I have a sneaking suspicion that you might now have just peaked;

- Australia: it looks very much like you might just about have found yourselves a scrummage at last, and in doing so the rest of your game appears to have gone to pot. Nevertheless I have a horrible irrational feeling that you might be the team to beat in 2011;

- New Zealand: if you're going to have a major crisis of confidence then 2 years before the World Cup is as good a time as any. Find a lineout from somewhere and wrap McCaw and Carter in cotton cool for the next 2 years and you'll be fine.

See you all in November...

Southern Discomfort

Forgive me if I fail to get excited by the Tri-Nations.

Not only does the format of the competition - New Zealand v Australia, South Africa v News Zealand, South Africa v New Zealand again, South African v Australia...etc...etc...ad infinitum - make me want to enter a self-induced coma, so far the standard of rugby hasn't been up to much either - surprising, given that we're constantly reminded of the superior standard of rugby in the Southern Hemisphere.

Who knows, the tournament may finally take off this weekend. The South Africans may even fill a stadium.

I won't hold my breath.

Verdict II

So, with the Lions now back from South Africa, what have we learned? Try this for starters...

1. The Lions brand is alive and kicking. Yes, there are issues with preparation time, length of tours, standard of provincial opposition and ticket prices but this group have restored the one thing that went AWOL in 2005 - credibility.



2. BOD is, without a shadow of a doubt, GOD. Player of the tour by miles.



3. Peter de Villiers is, without a shadow of a doubt, a clown. And not a very funny one at that.



4. The players return to Britain and Ireland knowing that they so very nearly won a series in the Southern Hemisphere. Coulda, woulda, shoulda? Maybe, but don't underestimate the effect that winning that 3rd Test could have - for many it was their first ever victory over a 3N team.
   


5. For the Irish boys, the form of Jamie Heaslip, Rob Kearney and Tommy Bowe - along with the excellent BOD - bodes well, although there may well be concerns about the tight 5 going forward. And the less said about ROG the better.
   


6. For Wales, the fact that they ultimately provided the Lions first choice front row must be a cause for optimism, and they can safely claim to now have 2 genuine world class operators in Jamie Roberts and Mike Phillips. If they can forget about Gavin Henson and keep Martyn Williams going they should go from strength to strength.
   


7. The Scots will have learned precious little, other than they have some way to go to catch up with the others. In reality none of the Scots was anywhere near the Test team but you never know - Messrs Blair, Ford, Hines and Murray may well have derived something from the trip that they can take back into the Scottish camp.
   


8. As for England, it should not go unnoticed that they had 8 players involved in that 3rd Test victory. Upfront England are looking in good shape - Sheridan, Croft and Worsley all had excellent tours, while Simon Shaw was simply immense. And even Lee Mears and Phil Vickery were in good form until the 1st test scrummaging shambles. Behind the scrum Riki Flutey can now be considered a fully fledged international 12 - a problem position ever since the retirement of Will Greenwood - and Ugo Monye also had his moments, adding to the talent already to Martin Johnson in the back three. Now if they could just squeeze another 2 years out of Shaw and keep a certain Mr Wilkinson fit...

Justice?

Thank you to Matt at Green and Gold Rugby for this one...

Lions tackle gouging

Breaking news from South Africa...

Seemingly determined to restore pride with a consolation victory in the 3rd Test in Johannesburg, it has emerged that all 22 of the British and Irish Lions playing squad will be issued with revolutionary new "anti-gouging" safety goggles ahead of the game.

A prototype of the goggles, manufactured by Lions kit supplier Adidas, was given the green light at an emergency session of the IRB Safety Committee in Pretoria late last night and a consignment of the approved goggles is, we understand, due to be delivered to the Lions training camp on Saturday morning.

"It's all a bit last-minute," admitted Lions scrum coach Graham Rowntree, "but we believe that being able to see what's going on without a Springbok finger in our eyes will be a distinct advantage."

Meanwhile, back in the South African camp, coach Peter de Villiers expressed his dismay at the latest developments. Having been forced to offer his insincere apologies for his recent comments following the 2nd Test, de Villiers claimed that the measures taken by the Lions to prevent gouging were "inappropriate and disproportionate."

"This is a wholly unnecessary step," he claimed, "especially after I have this week paid out of my own pocket for each member of the South African squad to have a deluxe manicure."

Verdict

OK, time now for my tuppence ha'penny's worth on Saturday's Lions Test.

First things first. I missed the game owing to commitments at aforementioned kids' school summer fête. Idiot.

From what I have seen and read it was an enthralling epic of a game.

After a hugely committed and brave performance from the Lions I think we can safely say that pride is restored after the 2005 fiasco in New Zealand.

The scoreboard doesn't lie - ultimately the Boks deserve their series victory.

Turning to the gouging issue, let's set aside the actions of Mr Burger (utterly appalling) and the match officials (utterly gutless) and the disciplinary committee (utterly inadequate) - the most sickening aspect of this affair is undoubtedly the utterly shameful behaviour of South African coach Peter de Villiers since the match concluded.

De Villiers comments that gouging was "part of sport" and that if we were "going to complain about every incident we might as well go to a ballet shop and all get tutus and get a great dancing show on for all to see that has no eye-gouging, no tackling, no nothing and we can all in enjoy it" were utterly unacceptable and bring the game into disrepute.

The SARU have apologised but it is not enough. Mr de Villiers should make a full public apology or resign.

Fortune favours the brave...

...but have the Lions been brave enough? That's the million dollar question.

Or, put another way, will Geech and his coaching team regret the decision not to stake all or nothing on the 2nd Test?

Sadly I think that the last 20 minutes of the 1st Test have lulled the Lions into thinking that they can simply pick up where they left off. What they must realise, however, is that - apart from the centre partnership of Roberts and BOD - they utterly failed to ask the Boks any questions in Durban.

From my perspective, I'm pretty convinced that it was the non-selection in the 1st Test of Sheridan and Murray (yes, I know they were injured for the match but they wouldn't have been if they hadn't had to play against the Southern Thugs Kings ) that allowed the Springbok front row to concoct their cunning plan to wreck the Lions scrum rather than focus on their own self-preservation. Despite the introduction of Rees and Jones I doubt the Boks will be worried - Big Ted would have given them much more to think about.

Likewise, in the backs, I'd have loved to have seen Geech really give the dice a roll by picking James Hook to take advantage of the inevitable space that the Boks will leave in trying to shut down the centre partnership. Furthermore, and despite a lack of form, the ultimate gamble would have been to give Ickle Shane a start on the basis that it's likely to take something out of the ordinary to win on Saturday, and Williams has to deliver sooner or later, doesn't he?

The only saving grace is that Big Ted and Ickle Shane are on the bench but, like last week, the game may be lost before they can have an impact.

Now, my next challenge is to work out how I can watch the game while still being seen to be helping out at my kids' school summer fête...

Two things...

1. You have to feel a little sorry for Phil Vickery; and


2. The Springboks won the mind-games battle hands down.

There they were before the 1st Test, complaining about the so-called illegal scrummaging technique of the Lions whilst behind the scenes they were beavering away at their very own highly illegal scrummaging tactics themselves. Fair play to them - they got away with it 100% and the unfortunate victim of the elaborate scam was Mr Vickery, the most experienced forward on the pitch.

And so, to all intents and purposes, the Raging Bull was dismantled by the Beast. Ironic really, as it was the South African tighthead, John Smit, who was supposed to be the vulnerable one.

The Raging Bull has now been reduced to the role of Mild-Mannered Heffer and must seriously be considering his international future.

And for the Lions the learning curve just became that much steeper.