No smoke without fire?

OK, so I'm a professional rugby player with a top Guinness premiership club and there have been various rumours circulating alleging that I have a penchant for recreational drugs, allegations that I have categorically denied.

I'm then asked by by club to provide a hair sample and to attend a disciplinary hearing.

It's a great chance for me to establish my innocence and clear my name - so what do I do? Co-operate with the club?

Err, no. What I decide to do is to refuse to provide the hair sample as it is not a requirement under WADA testing rules, resign from the club on the eve of the hearing and threaten to sue the club for breach of contract and defamation of character.

Hmmmm.

When the seagulls follow the trawler...

So, a two-year ban for Matt Stevens. A tad harsh I feel, given that cocaine clearly isn't a performance enhancing drug and you only have to look at his performances for England in the autumn for evidence of that (although it's anyone's guess what the rest of the team's excuse was).

However, with previous miscreants Jason Keyter and Wendell Sailor both ending up with 2 year bans there was clearly a precedent for such a decision. Two years away from the sport could well be career-ending - and it hardly helps his rehabilitation that he won't even be allowed to coach youngsters, if I understand the ban correctly.

Mind you, someone ought to be testing whatever Brian O'Driscoll has been drinking of late.

"Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit, while wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad," he said, when questioned about Martin Johnson.

Eh?

Eric Cantona would have been proud.