Balls

I see the good old press corps are wringing every last drop of sanctimonious condemnation out of the latest ‘misfortune’ to befall the English rugby team, namely the failed attempt to switch balls for a conversion attempt against Romania last week.

On a scale of 1-10 it’s a misdemeanour that barely registers a 0.5 but, nevertheless, accusations of “blatant cheating” have rained down on England’s management, alongside calls for England to be fined/ docked points/ sent home/ all of the above.

All of which conveniently ignores the fact that England have dealt with the matter in-house to the satisfaction of the RWC organisers. In any event, aren’t we forgetting that England didn’t actually manage to switch the balls as the referee prevented them from doing so (i.e. he was doing his job) and who is to say whether other teams have been doing the same? The fact that no one else has been caught doesn’t mean it hasn’t been happening.

What England are actually guilty of is of being more than a little dim. Given how the press have seized with undisguised glee on the likes of Bungee-gate, Dwarf-gate and Blonde-gate, and given that referees are clearly watching England like hawks for signs of indiscipline on the pitch, might it not have been sensible for England’s coaches to play things by the book?

What this incident has done is to throw a few more morsels into the press pack feeding frenzy. I do wonder what the reaction would have been had it been, say, New Zealand involved? Would the press have had quite such a field day?

Of course not. It is becoming increasingly obvious to England rugby fans that the press, and the English press in particular, have a barely disguised agenda. England are not blameless, clearly, but I wish the press would just wind in their collective necks and let the team get on with it, instead of seeking every opportunity to undermine the campaign. It's as if they are so desperate to be able to turn round and tell the world "I told you so" that they'll almost do anything to ensure that England failing at this tournament becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If I was in charge (oh, if only!) there would certainly now be a list of hacks I wouldn't allow anywhere near the England camp.

Here endeth the lesson. Ready for squeaky bum time against the Sweaties tomorrow.



PS - Incidentally, I agree with the consensus that the £5000 fine imposed on Alesana Tuilagi for wearing a branded mouthguard is ridiculously draconian, although comparing the sanction to England’s Ball-gate punishment, as many wise-arse commentators have attempted to do, isn’t particularly helpful. Had an England player been let off for a similar offence, or had Samoa been docked points for switching balls, then fair enough - but to use Tuilagi's misfortune as fodder for the argument that England are being let off lightly is yet another example of very lazy journalism.

Here endeth the lesson again. Really.

Calm down dears!

I don't know, I go away for a couple of weeks and seemingly all hell breaks loose.

First I read that my favourite orange person is in the process of being fired by Toulon after proving that he has the drinking capacity of small gerbil called Gerald. After allegedly drunkenly slagging off certain esteemed team mates following Toulon's recent victory over Toulouse and earning himself a slap from Aussie scrum half Matt Henjak, the club's president, Mourad Boudjellal, has decided that the artist formerly known as Gavin Church is “difficult to manage.” No shit, Sherlock.

I then noted that another orange Welshman and M4 buggy-meister, Andy Powell, earlier this month managed to get himself suspended by Wasps following a pub brawl with QPR football supporters following which he lost two pints of blood and received 10 stitches in a head wound after being struck by a bar stool. And, to make it a hat-trick for the Welsh, I saw that lock Bradley Davies had been arrested following a fight involving over 30 people outside a Pembrokeshire pub.

Not to be outdone and doing her bit both for her country and for the fairer sex, I read that England under 20 flanker, Kayleigh Callaway-Bawden, was convicted this month of criminal damage and resisting arrest after a cider-fuelled rampage in which she smashed a window and swore and spat at police officers called to arrest her (and, once handcuffed, apparently still tried to ­headbutt the ground!!).

Perhaps I'm feeling a little too chilled following my holiday but, in the words immortalised by Michael Winner and David Cameron, all I can say to each of them is CALM DOWN DEAR!

Rugby IS dangerous

I know it's Rugby League, and Australian Rugby League at that, but I was gobsmacked by the recent story about a rugby league player in Melbourne being banned for life for taking a KNIFE onto the field during a match in Victoria.

After a rough tackle which sparked a brawl in a match between Chaffey Titans and Mildura Tigers, a certain Kava Lumanuvao retrieved a knife from his car before returning to the field.

Fortunately he was disarmed by his coach and Titans teammates and nobody was injured but I can't help but think that by getting banned from the game for life he got away lightly.

Hunky Dory

It's often claimed that I'm a little behind the times, and the fact that I appear to have missed the below story appears to verify such claims.

Not sure how I missed it, but back in April an advertising campaign in Ireland for "Hunky Dorys" crisps (no, I'd never heard of them either) caused something of a furore when it featured young ladies in low-cut tops using straplines such as “Are you staring at my crisps?”

The ads appear to have induced a mass failure in the Irish sense of humour with phrases like “blatant exploitation of women,” “tasteless and base" and "quite simply unacceptable” liberally bandied about.

The Advertising Authority for Ireland, having received over a dozen (!!) complaints, chose to impose an interim ban on the ads, a ban that was confirmed as permanent yesterday.

The powers that be at the Irish Rugby Football Union also got a little hot under the collar given that the ads also featured a reference to the crisps as a “proud sponsor of Irish rugby”. (It turns out that Largo Foods, who manufacture Hunky Dorys, actually sponsor the Navan rugby team!)

And the result of the campaign? Undoubted joy in the Largo Foods boardroom with Hunky Dorys sales by up by 17%. As their CEO said back in April, "we want to inject a little bit of fun into things."

Quite.

D.I.S.R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

It's heartwarming to see that it's not just the Kiwis that get hot under the collar about their traditions being "disrespected" - now the Saffas are at it.

The SARU are up in arms about the fact that South Africa's national anthem, Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika, was murdered by Durban-born reggae singer Ras Dumisani prior to Friday's defeat to France in Toulouse.

"I must convey that we are annoyed by the fact that the French disrespected our anthem," blathered Bok coach Peter de Villiers after the game, conveniently ignoring the fact that Mr Dumisani is South African and neatly sidestepping the fact that his forwards had just been beasted by the French pack.

Since then the words "shocked and horrified" have been used by the SARU to describe Mr Dumisani's efforts and a letter of complaint has been written to the FFR (although why it would be their responsibility is beyond me). Even the Young Communist League of South Africa (in a most blatent example of bandwgon jumping) labelled Dumisani as a "disgrace to our country".

"Hilarious" might be a more appropriate word ...

Small beer

It was revealed this week that the reason that the ARU sacked Lote Tuqiri last year was because he broke strict team rules by taking a woman to his Wallabies hotel room.

At the time, Tuqiri was on his "last warning'' for previous misdemeanors which included an incident in a Cape Town nightclub in 2005 and turning up pissed to a Wallabies training session in 2007.

All of which strikes me as being small beer compared to the recent scandals engulfing northern hemisphere rugby. Our rugby may not be as good, but we do scandal SO much better!

Big Bad Deano?

One of the most ridiculous things to emerge from the whole Bloodgate saga so far is the ongoing demonisation of Dean Richards.

It would appear that, despite evidence of widespread skullduggery, all of rugby's ills are the fault of one man and one man only - Big Bad Deano.

Tom Williams was of course an innocent victim in the whole affair, weighed down by a "climate of fear" created by Richards - so innocent in fact that he gave the game away by his pantomime acting and a wink to a team mate and then attempted to blackmail the club in return for his silence. And such was the climate of fear that reportedly 12 Quins players (all forwards apparently) joined Big Bad Deano for a quiet pint last week.

Quins' chairman Charles Jillings, meanwhile, has resigned and apologised - not for attempting to coerce Williams into accepting his 12 month ban, but for the fact the club "failed to control" Dean Richards - the implication being that Big Bad Deano was out of control. This would again suggest that it was Richards and Richards alone who came up with the bold scam and that no one on the management, coaching or support staff either knew about it or was prepared to stand up and say "er, no - that's cheating isn't it?"

We do have the new RFU Task Force, of course, but I won't hold my breath and meanwhile it is ultimately one man (a man who, remember, at least had the guts to resign and take responsibility once the game was up) who is being made to carry the can for the travails of the game as a whole.

Isn't it ironic #2

Isn't it ironic...

Is it just me, or is there a delicious irony in a certain Lawrence Bruno Nero Dallaglio being named in the 13-man RFU "Image of Game Task Group" charged with restoring the game's reputation in England?

This is the same LBND, of course, who 10 years ago was found guilty by the RFU of bringing the game into disrepute following his admissions (subsequently denied) to undercover News of the World reporters that he had dealt in drugs, including cocaine and ecstasy.

Short memories, and all that...

At it again...

Not for the first time, Wales' favourite orange rugby player has made the newspapers for all the wrong reasons.

Yes, tango-boy Gavin Henson is again in a spot of bother having reportedly been spoken to by police on Saturday night after having been removed from two Cardiff bars while celebrating the win over England with Welsh team mates, Lee Byrne, Mike Phillips and Andy Powell.

Branded a "disgrace" by witnesses, Henson is apparently now the subject of an investigation by the WRU.

Setting aside the fact that, being injured, Henson made no contribution to the victory whatsoever, one has to again question his professionalism if he thinks that the best way of getting himself fit and back in the team is to go out on the lash with the boys.

Henson is becoming something of a serial offender, not helped by the fact that previous misdemeanours have been overlooked or indulged by his employers.

Not that England fans would particularly shed a tear, but it's probably not too strong an assertion to make that, unless Messrs Gatland and Edwards get a grip of this guy quickly, we might well witness the utter waste of one of the game's most gifted talents.