Balls

Another example, perhaps, of truth being stranger than fiction.

A little while back I wrote a somewhat tongue in cheek post about the launch of the new adidas "Jabulani" rugby ball for the 2011 Rugby World Cup in New Zealand.

Imagine my surprise, therefore, when last week I received an email from someone (who obviously does not read this blog) at an agency on behalf of adidas asking me to promote the new adidas "Torpedo Respect" - apparently the new official match ball for the Heineken Cup.

Here are a couple of statements - see if you can tell which statement is fictional:

(1) ...manufactured using a new design consisting of 16 thermally bonded 3-dimensional panels molded from ethylene-vinyl acetate and thermo-plastic polyurethanes; or

(2) ...is 100% hand stitched and crafted from natural rubber, the interior is composed of a mixture of latex and butyl to offer exceptional quality and durability.

No? OK, I'll make it a little easier:

(1)...through positioning the valve in the seam and not in the middle of a panel, there is an enhanced sweet spot area ideal for kicking; or

(2)... adopting a ball with similar properties will discourage kicking to touch and long-range penalty attempts.

So, Torpedo Respect or Jabulani?

Admittedly some people might be very excited by the launch of the new ball but, frankly, I'm not one of them. A ball is a ball is a ball. Both regular readers of this blog will know that I'm not in the habit of endorsing products - not unless it's a product I genuinely believe in or unless I am showered with free samples. Suffice to say I'm not expecting the postman to be calling anytime soon and perhaps the most salient point about the new adidas ball is that it retails at 50 quid.

Maurice Ignatius Keane RIP

Very sad news this week that former Ireland and Lions legend Moss Keane has died of bowel cancer aged 62.

Keane made his Ireland debut in 1974, just 4 years after taking up rugby in his early twenties following the lifting of the Gaelic Athletic Association ban on playing "foreign" sports.  He decided he "did not need to be a rocket scientist to be a second row."

During an 11 year international career he was never dropped by his country, a remarkable stat. I caught the tail end of Keane's international career as my interest in the sport blossomed in the early eighties and remember him as a larger than life character and hugely committed forward. His playing prowess was matched by his camaraderie, fondness for a few pints and ready wit, with several examples emerging in the various obituaries being penned about him this week. Here are just a few:

• On the 1977 Lions Tour to New Zealand, when asked for his comments after a game, Keane replied "The first half was even. The second half was even worse."
• During the famous Munster victory over the All Blacks in 1978, following the lineout code being called at a Munster lineout, Keane was heard to exclaim "Oh Christ, not me again."
• Former England skipper Bill Beaumont approached Keane in the tunnel prior to an Ireland v England game and said "May the best team win," to which Keane replied “I hope they don’t.”
• In a teamtalk he was reported to have coined the phrase, "Spread out and stick together."
• And finally, former England hooker Peter Wheeler was invited to stay with Keane in Kerry and, on arrival at Keane's house late at night he asked if Moss Keane lived there, to which the woman who opened the door replied "Yes, bring him in."

This has to stop

My thoughts go out to Gavin Quinnell, brother of former Wales forwards Scott and Craig and son of former Wales and Lions legend Derek, following reports that he has permanently lost the sight in his left eye following an incident during Llanelli's Welsh Premiership game against Cross Keys last weekend.

At any age that's a pretty horrific thing to happen and at only 26 years old it looks as if that's his professional rugby career over.

The fact that the Scarlets and Llanelli RFC have lodged a formal citing complaint with the WRU and that Gwent Police are also investigating an allegation of assault, suggests that the injury may have been the result of a deliberate act.

If that is the case I can only hope that the perpetrator is dealt with in the strongest possible manner - this kind of cowardly attack simply must be eradicated from the game and if it takes a life ban and/or a prison sentence to achieve that then so be it. If I was Gavin I'd also be instructing solicitors to sue.

Good Evans

Reports in the New Zealand press this week suggest that a man allegedly posing as a member of the 1977 British Lions team has been enjoying VIP treatment in Rotorua.

Gareth Evans, a Rotorua-based tool maker who claims to have emigrated to New Zealand from Wales in 1983, has apparently been passing himself off as the former Welsh international winger Gareth Evans who played three Tests for the Lions on the 1977 Tour of New Zealand.

On on the strength of his false claims Mr Evans has been wined and dined by the Rotorua Chamber of Commerce, met with civic leaders and was a recent guest of the Bay of Plenty Rugby Union for their match against Otago.

As scams go, this one was harmlessly small-scale and really quite clever, obviously working on the premise that the real Gareth Evans is hardly a household name and that no one, least of all Rotorua's alickadoos, would be any the wiser. Sadly, however, the ruse was rumbled when the Rotorua Review's top investigative journalist obviously smelt a rat and contacted the real Gareth Evans who, it turns out, has never lived outside Wales.

Meanwhile in South West France an Englishman by the name of Iain Balshaw continues to insist that he used to play rugby for England.

Prop Idol

Good grief. England loosehead prop Andrew Sheridan, master bricklayer and chief layer-to-waste of Australian scrummages, has just released an album.

No, not a photo album, a genuine album of music - 16 songs in total - entitled "Where We Go From Here."

Listen to brief extracts here. It seems to be a collection of folky, country & western influenced guitar-strummed ditties - not my cup of tea really but not unpleasant on the ear and probably tailor-made made for Radio 2. Hardly reaching the heights of Kevin Keegan or Waddle & Hoddle, but maybe that's a good thing.

So, with Matt "X Factor" Stevens due to resume hostilities on the field of play in January, England could at least field the most musical front row at next year's World Cup. For those unsure what on earth I'm on about, here's a reminder of Stevens' talents:

In absentia II

They seek him here, they seek him there
Those Rebels seek him everywhere
Where has he gone, where can be be?
That damned elusive Danny C
A visa problem, so they say
Is keeping Danny-boy away
The real reason, I'd have thought
Perhaps involves a different sport
Or maybe just the fact that he's
Addicted to celebrity
And Melbourne, being so far away
It rarely features in OK!
They seek him here, they seek him there
Those Rebels seek him everywhere.

In absentia

46 not out

In a week when I turned 46 to no fanfare whatsoever (too busy at work for starters), a few rugby stories caught my eye...

According to Paul Rees in the Grauniad, the IRB is investigating claims that Australian players were wired up to their coaches during the 2003 World Cup.

Although I believe that it is common practice in the NFL, for instance, that players are wired for sound (for example via miniature electronic earpieces stitched into headgear), it is strictly verboten in rugby. If true, however, this nefarious practice might explain the absurd phenomenon of backs wearing scrumcaps, something on which my views have previously been made known.

That said, a fat lot of good it did the Aussies in the final minute of the 2003 World Cup Final as "DROP GOAL, DROP GOAL, DROP GOAL, OH F**K" was screamed into the players' earpieces.

The other story of note was the scandalous decision by Saracens to send Steve Borthwick to the Munich Oktoberfest with the rest of the squad rather than requiring him to attend the launch of this season's Heineken Cup.

When I say 'scandalous' what I mean of course is 'brilliant'. Utterly unprofessional no doubt, but it's good to see that there are those that still appreciate the value of a few beers together and are not entirely in thrall to the corporate dollar (or, in this case, euro).

Finally, there was the astounding hold-the-front-page announcement by Chesham Rugby Club that it will be running a 3rd XV this season. With very few Vets fixtures planned this season the 3rd Xv may well turn out to be my only opportunity for rugby action this year. That said, my current state of fitness leaves something to be desired and, given the reported numbers at club training (which I have not yet experienced first hand, it must be said), there's a very real possibility that I wouldn't get a game anyway. C'est la vie.