Is this really the best you can manage?

Back to matters of national importance...

Buckingham Palace has announced that the Queen's grandaughter Zara Phillips and her rugby international fiancé Mike Tindall are to marry in Edinburgh on 30th July.

Even more momentous (if it were possible) is the news that Tindall's best man is to be none other than one of this blog's all-time favourites, former England fullback and cock-up merchant Mr Iain Ballsup.

In moments like these I find myself asking what the odds are likely to be of the wedding rings being passed without mishap from one of England's most error-ridden fullbacks to a man with all the handling ability of a breeze block?

Quote, unquote

It's a habit of mine, when reading the comments of international coaches ahead of big matches, to try to read between the lines.

For example, when talking of the new talent emerging in the England squad this season, Martin Johnson is reported to have said this week:

"They're not here for the fame or the fortune, they're here because they want to be successful rugby players and play well for England."

A simple enough statement, you may think. Or, on the other hand, might the England manager really mean that there may be certain other players whose motivation he might call into question?

And, if this be the case, I wonder to which former England fly half, currently plying his trade down under, Johnno might be referring?

Nosey

According to various reports in the press this morning, current England skipper Mike Tindall has revealed that future mother-in-law Princess Anne has asked him to get his less-than-straight nose sorted out prior to his forthcoming wedding to Zara Phillips in July.

Tindall is, however, 'not keen' on undergoing corrective nasal surgery after an incident earlier in his career when two metal plates inserted up his hooter in a previous nose job ended up being knocked out onto the pitch by a high tackle (ouch).

Friends of Mike Tindall's Nose on Facebook will no doubt be delighted by Tindall's reluctance to go under the knife.

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The truth will out?

Blogging being such an instantly disposable form of communication, it is often the case that I might get on my high horse about something and then completely forget about it and move on, never to mention it again.

I am pleased, therefore, to have remembered to go back and investigate whether there had been any developments in the story of Tuui Radrava.

Radrava, you may recall, was a York Railway Institute player who suffered a serious brain injury earlier this season following an alleged on-pitch assault during a home match against Thornensians RUFC.

Three Thornensians players were arrested during the North Yorkshire Police investigation into the injury. It turns out, however, that  back in December all three men were released without charge and the police investigation was closed.

The matter, it appears, was referred to the RFU. Since then, silence.

If anyone can cast any light on events then please feel free to do so. In the meantime I shall remain Holmes-esque in my determination to get to the truth.

A grand day out...

A host of well known ageing southern hemisphere stars will be strutting their stuff for a very worthy cause at Old Deer Park, the home of London Welsh RFC, this Sunday (6th March).

Raising funds for the Queensland flood appeal and the victims of the Christchurch earthquake, the highlight of the day will undoubtedly be the match between an Australian XV and a Pacific Barbarians team, which kicks off at 3pm.

The Australian XV will be led by former Wallaby George Smith and will be coached by Hairsprays coach Scott Johnson and former Australia fly half and World Cup winner Michael Lynagh.

The Pacific Barbarians will be captained by former Barnstaple 2nd XV flanker Jerry Collins and is said to feature the likes of Filo Tiatia, Henry Paul, Mosese Raluni, Viliame Satala and Sililo Martens, as well as London Welsh and Tonga back row forward Epi Taione (aka Paddy Power). I see Tana Umaga is also on the list, although his presence would be remarkable given that he's supposed to be playing for the Chiefs at home to the Rebels tomorrow.

The charity day will also feature an Aussie Rules match, an Aussie beer tent, live music, an international touch rugby match, a tag rugby match between Queensland and New South Wales, a touch rugby tournament for kids and a Pacific village, including traditional music and food & drink.

All the action gets underway at Old Deer Park from 10:30am on Sunday. Tickets priced at £10. VIP tickets are available at £100 + VAT per person, which will include a buffet menu, table wine and reserved seats.

I can certainly think of worse ways to spend a Sunday. For further information email: info@truesouthgroup.com or call 07501 067603.

Big Ben not for Sale

News today that former England wing Ben Cohen has threatened to retire at the end of the season after being told he is surplus to requirements at Sale Sharks.

It's fair to say that I've never been Cohen's biggest fan - an admittedly irrational dislike probably based on nothing more concrete than his penchant for posing in his underwear at every opportunity.

To be fair to him, his purple patch in 2002-2003 did coincide with (and, I reluctantly concede, contribute to) England's march to the World Cup. I also can't argue with the stats that show Cohen to be England's joint second highest try-scorer (even if the majority of his 31 international tries involved, as I perhaps somewhat harshly recall, little more than him flopping over the line after the good work of others).

"Sale don't want me anymore because they're trying to spend more money in the pack," blubs Cohen. "I've got another couple of years left in me so I'll try to get a club in the Premiership. If not, I'll retire."

Promises, promises.

Move it

I received an email last week from my rugby club (well, when I say "my" rugby club I mean the club I attend on an increasingly infrequent basis). The email kindly informed me that a powerpoint presentation of all the club's on-field moves and calls was now available for all players.

Moves? Calls? I thought. What moves and calls?

The email stressed the importance of every player (backs AND forwards) being familiar with every set play and call across all teams.

Set plays? I thought. What set plays?

The idea is that knowledge of the moves will enable every player to slide relatively seamlessly between the sides, ensure training sessions are spent actually training.

Training? I...well. you get the general idea.

All in all, although somewhat alien to this particular dinosaur, I guess it does indicate just how far the club is progressing under the stewardship of England Women's prop Rocky Clarke.